We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
