Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Hey. Hope youre not too hungover. Also, did you put a Christmas tree in my guest bathroom and cover it with condoms?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
