Hello Stephanie, you need to come pick me up at Par Blvrd correctional facility and bring $750-$1000 for bail. I just got a DUI. Thank you.
What!?!?! How are you txting?!
Because this is Officer Reynolds, and I just arrested your boyfriend.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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