Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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