I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
Randomize
