I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
Randomize
