My friends, they love my intelligence
Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
Randomize
