that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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