My sheets look like a crime scene.
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
