Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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