Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
