I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
