I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Did u smell a guys dreadlocks in the McDonald's drive thru line last night or did I dream that?
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
Randomize
