3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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