I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
This is my gift to your gina
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
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