When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
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