suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
