when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I wonder how many people saw me whip my junk out and bang it on the light post in front of holabird bar and liquors last night. I'm about tired of having to do that.
Nobody saw you except the people in the bar, because you weren't outside. You were inside, and you were smacking it on the mens bathroom door handle
I really hate whoever invented fireball.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
Randomize
