We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Randomize
