my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
