I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
