Just saw 2 very young girls abandon baby buggys in the Xwalk to fight. Gotta love Holyoke.
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
