U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
