& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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