I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
