oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize