Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
