ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
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