I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
farters have to be the big spoon...
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
We had sex on a dog bed..
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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