Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
I did a trust fall off the bar and then almost got into a knife fight over a push up competition. Just another Tuesday.
Randomize
