I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Randomize
