I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
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