i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
The beer is more important than you right now.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
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