Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
Randomize
