Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Randomize
