Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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