careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
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