Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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