I'm really into asian looking animals
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
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