Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
