I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
