Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
I was hooking up with this girl last night and she's on top of me with "Flux Pavilion - I can't stop" grinding in the background and I thought "Holy shit I'm going to do a lot of Molly this semester."
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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