Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
