We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
the raccoons are back...
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