K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
