i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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