OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
Randomize
