my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
