My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
