The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
I think pants incapable of making pants work
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
