Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
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