At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize