If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
