i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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