i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
i drank out of a bidet.
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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