Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
I murdered the dance floor call the cops
at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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