I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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