If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
