how can u be prego again
you need to do more things constructive for your career. like wearing pants more often.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
