Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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