I cannot find my penis.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
