My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
omg. MEgabus. stoned.
Theres these two guys talking.
Um...any recollection of peeing in the pantry
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
