problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
Randomize