Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
