I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize