I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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