chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
You were pretty conviced that my dog was a spanish child and kept trying to read him the news from your iphone app
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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