That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
