You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
U offered to motor boat her and it somehow turned into u two going on a sunset cruise in Newport. At 3am.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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