I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
