I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She bit a glass in half.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
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