Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
Randomize
