Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
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