I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Randomize
