How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I didn't notice because vodka
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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