If i come over, it means nothing
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
That sounds worse than that time you thought out an entire story of how big bird would kill you
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize