Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
