Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Randomize
