I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Randomize
