You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
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