I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
