I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
