I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
And then my night got REAL pukey
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
