Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
