As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Randomize
