Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
The bump on my forehead, i think, was from falling asleep at front door, on my knees, slumped over. But we played good music so what?
Randomize