3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
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