Three words: puerto rican gang bang
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
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