We got bored. So we went to planned parenthood to stare at everyone who made worse decisions than us last night.
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
