Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
