Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
We are all done wearing pants today
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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