Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
Can't talk, ducks in the car
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
